Task 4

SHORT NOTICE

A proposal has been made by the Minister of Education that the school year begin in the middle of August, instead of at the beginning of September, and that there be a two-week break between semesters. I think that it's a bad idea. I will present my opinion in the following article.

First of all, the two-week break between semesters may distract the students from the learning mood, which is very important, esspecially in the middle of the year. It may cause students to be dissappointed when they come back from this "break(phr.-what do you mean?)".

Secondly, The summer vacation is VERY important for stundents to clean(ww.-clear) their minds and come back to school fresh and happy. Shortening the summer vacation may angry the students, and this angry(ww.) may also get them out of the learning mood. They will deal (with) this issue instead of dealing (with) their final exams.

In conclusion, the Minister of Education can't make such a drastic move without expecting the students to object. I suggest the Minister of Education to reconsider their(ww.) proposal and also to consider the students as a part of the equation.
Your opening and conclusion are good, but your arguments need some work, especially your first argument in paragraph 2. Please go over this paragraph again and rephrase it.
(82)
Daphna

Task 3

SUCCESS

If you want to be the best on(ww.) your job or in school - you must be a successful person(phr.). In order to be successful you must have some characteristics. In this text I will express my tips and advices(מיותר) for(ww.-on) "how to be successful" question(ww.).


First of all, you must be charismatic. It means that you must have the abillity to talk, convince and atract your audience.For example, if you are debating with someone - you must be able to convince the viewers and even the person you debate with. In addition, you also must have rhetorically speaking(phr.), in order to be able to express yourself well.

It also helps to show that you are well educated, so people will take your words seriously.
Furthermore, you must be very friendly, so people will feel comfortable with your presence, and because you will need your friends' help in(מיותר) one day, so its good to gain many friends on your way to the top.


I mentioned only a small amount(ww.) of characteristics, but there are many more characteristics you should have. There is no doubt that being successful is an excellent goal, but don't forget your friends on your way to(מיותר) there.

Good.
(85)
Daphna

Second Task

Young Wheels - 2.0

Young drivers are involved in a lot of accidents. An organization of accident victims has recently proposed that the age for getting a driver's license should be raised to 19. A recent research has shown the following staticts: 70% of young drivers goes(gr.-go) to clubs routinely every weekend, 30% of them doesn't(gr.-are not) aware of the affect that alcohol has on their body. 

I think it's not a good solution (this is out of place here, since it is not clear what you are talking about). First of all - In Israel you must serve the country for 3 years in the army (2 for girls) from the age of 18, so you have no time to learn driving because you are too busy protecting your country. You can't serve your country and learn driving at the same time, no doubt.

Furthermore, you can't relay on your parents to transport(ww.-drive) you from place to place until you're 19 years old, you need to be independent. I can also say, that if a young man/woman can serve in the army and take risks and even sometimes kill the enemy, they must be responsible and they are ready to be responsible when it comes to
being careful  when they are driving. 

My alternative for this(מיותר) solution is putting more cops on the road so they will prevent the next accident. As for today, there is no plan of spreading cops on the roads for that purpose, and more awareness to the alcohol affects on young people will(also) help also(מיותר). Furthermore, I suggest that the punishment will be much more intimidating and the government should stop being gentle with (the) punishment.

In conclusion, I hope there will be less accidents and more awareness for youngsters issues(phr.) on the road. There is no doubt that a significant part of the accidents are made(ww.-caused) by drunk, unresponsible(ww.-irresponsible) youngsters.

This is better. Good.
(80)
Daphna

First Task

How can I Help? - 2.0

With the improvement of technolegy, we are doing less physicall things and spending our time in the virtual world, in which you need only to move your finger. Due to that, we are doing less things for our community and we forget the place we live in. For example, take the Facebook - we are hanging(gr.-use the present simple) out with our friends online and it seems like we forget how is it(wo.) like to be with them in reality.

Volunteering at the local nursing home is a good example of how to help our community. We can go to the local nursing home once a week, for an hour, and help the elderly, play with them or just talk with them.In addition, we can also go out to the streets once a week and clean the streets of papers and other small pieces of garbage. It will help our enviroment to stay clean and healthy.

Volunteering also helps us to be more responsible and much more independent. In the future it will help you to be (a) more active person and it will design(ww.) you as a better person to the society. I, personally, volunteered at the local library and spent 3 hours a week for two years. I felt good with myself and had a great satisfaction to give something to my community without expecting a(ww.-anything in) return. 

I have mentioned a few(ww.-several)  ways of helping our community, but there are a lot more. We just need to think a little longer to find more ways by ourself(gr.-ourselves). The education system in Israel is pushing youngsters to volunteer by giving Teudat Bagrut only to those who volunteered.

Much better. Good work.
(87)
Daphna

DIESEL

Where is your address and the date?


Diesel
5 Cohen Street
Tel Aviv

Dear Diesel Manager(ww. - sir/madam),
I am writing this letter in order to complain about the prices raisment(ww.) at Diesel.

I am buying(gr.) your clothes and shoes for over 7 years, and suddenly I found out that your prices has(gr.) raised over 30%, this is not good news for me, and for all (of) your clients.

Furthermore, your clients may aband(sp.) you because of this horroble(ww.+sp.) descision. I am one of those clients, unless you will(מיותר) give me some discount at your shops for 10% at least.

Sincierly Yours,
Guy Pnini

This letter is too general and too short.
(65)
Daphna

Applying for a job

17 Hahagana St.

Azur
21.2.2011

Mr. Kelada
President
Google Inc.
P.O. Box 101
Holon


Dear Mr. Kelada,


I would like to apply for the job of summer camp counselor, which was advertised in the newspapaer.


I am an 11th grade student at Kugel High School, which is in Holon, but I live in Azur.
Since 2009 I am(gr. - have been) a scout(s)  leader for(ww.) kids in the 3rd grade at our local community center. My job is to entertain the kids, and at the same time, teach them math and science. This job requires me to organize four new activities every week and to be responsible for the kids' safty.


Furthermore, I am also volunteering at a retirement home nearby my house. My job in the retirement home is to entertain the elders, and to talk with them about anything they want to.
It is fun, because I get to hear so many life stories, such as an escape from Geto Varsha and interesting holocaust stories and other experiences  .


I hope you will consider me for this job, I will be very happy to work as a summer camp counselor.


I look forward to your reply.


Yours truly,
James Smith


Much better. Well done.
(95)
Daphna

Digital School

The 19th century brought us the Industrial Revolution. The 20th century brought us wars. The brand new 21th century brings us the Internet and the best technolegy EVER. Almost every factory owns robots and computers, which do the cleaning or gather the garbage. The last decade was the first round for new technolegy -  artificial intelligence. Not far, in the near future, we will see robots who function like real people: Robo - bartender, Robo - scarecrow and even (real) Robo - cop. But what about education? Will computers and robots replace our flesh and blood teachers? 



Computers , not as people, are programmed to do something, and this only. If they would be(gr.-are) programmed to teach math - they will teach math, and math only, without giving the class any other information about themselves or about their pesonal opinon about the material, such as -different methods to solve a problem. The teacher is human, so he gives the class more information about the material, and the class understand(gr.) it better.


Another thing that a computer can't provide is after school help. Today, if a student doesn't understand the homework, he can make a call to his teacher and ask him what to do and ask him to explain the material again in the class. But a computer cannot provide such (a) thing, beacuse that artificial intelligence isn't so(ww. - such) advanced technolegy and we can't use it for robots/computers.



To conclude, maybe a computer can proccess calculations better than humans, but it designed different(gr.) from human, so it can't provide many things that a human can.


This better. Good work.
(90)
Daphna
By the way, you are still missing 2 tasks: the letter of opinion to your principal and a formal letter asking for information.